Sexual performance anxiety and quality of sexual life after Lockdown
Do you feel having sex is hard work, difficult, complicated? Did this feeling appear during or even after Lockdown or is it familiar to you already for some time? Where is the pleasure and joy in your sexual life, is it increasing or is it lost? There are ways how to bring it back and understand more of your sexuality, be more aware of your sexual behaviour patters and feelings.
Sexual performance anxiety can affect men of all ages and can affect life in many layers, from premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction to feeling frustrated, powerless and hopeless. It’s a common issue with a variety of solutions Psychosexual therapy can help to support you to reduce the worrying and pressure, feeling confused and disconnected. Help you to own your body again and get more empowered in the process of exploring your sexuality.
Please just don’t get me wrong, even women can suffer from sexual performance anxiety. But for that I will use a different article 🙂 This one is about and for men.
What I can know about men’s sexual performance anxiety if I am a woman?
I may only speak from my experience as a woman and as a therapist of Psychosexual Somatics therapy. I am wondering how many men having sex as a kind of test of masculinity, the way to get verification to be good enough as man and feeling under pressure to fulfil high expectations. Sex is something we are doing, and it has to be done well…? How does it look and feel, the well done sex? Do we compare our sexual life with porn? I heard lost of men and women to talk about how watching porn has influenced their personal believes about sex and their body image and expectations. And I feel sad about so many people are compering themselves with porn, what a burden that come due to insufficient sexual education, lack of information and shame to speak about sex and sexuality.
I am curious how many men put pressure on themselves, my Psychosexual therapy makes me feel there are many. I see in our society that there is huge pressure on men to be in charge and control, to deliver and satisfy. Where does it come from, that pressure? I do not feel as a woman to pressure my partner, it was his own expectations of himself as a man. Being with a partner who pressures himself brings pressure for me as well and it is hard to find pleasure in pressure. Do we really want to just perform and pretend together in our relationships, be driven by fear “I am not good enough”so I need to perform.
I understand it comes from a space of love and care and being good to others, but if I can feel happy for who I am and feel pleasure in my body next to my partner, I can connect with him truly and I don’t need to pretend and be scared. Believe me it took me quite few years of my own explorative work to be able to be authentic and truthful. It is journey of learning know my body, understand my body reactions, be able to talk about my feelings and emotions and expressing it. And even it was painful especially in the beginning and not easy, I do not regret any bit of that journey.
What is Sexual Performance Anxiety? (*Sex therapist definition)
Sexual performance anxiety is a feeling of nervousness and anxiety before and during sex. It’s very common, affecting men of all ages and backgrounds. It can occur for a wide range of different reasons, including:
- Concern about sexual performance (for example, worrying that you may not fully satisfy your partner)
- Body image issues, such as concern over your weight, height or penis size
- Stress about erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation and other conditions that can affect sexual satisfaction
- Relationship issues, such as a lack of emotional connection or dissatisfaction with your relationship
- Other sources of stress, such as difficulties regarding work, relationships, family or other non-sexual aspects of your life
- Nervousness about sexual activity, in general
When you experience these feelings, your body might release increased amounts of powerful stress hormones such as adrenaline, making it more difficult for you to relax and enjoy sexual activity.
For many men, this can lead to erectile dysfunction, making sexual activity more difficult and less satisfying. Sometimes, performance anxiety worsens over time, as one bad experience creates more anxiety and stress about sexual activity