Why are we having sex?
For many people, sexual intimacy becomes difficult or distressing following past experiences such as trauma, challenging relationships, or confusing messages about sexuality. Sex may begin to feel pressured, effortful, or disconnected, becoming a performance or a way of seeking reassurance and validation, rather than a source of pleasure or connection. Shame very often underlies these […]
Journaling as a tool in psychosexual therapy
Writing things down is one of the oldest and most accessible tools we have for making sense of ourselves. In psychosexual and relationship therapy, it can also be a quietly powerful companion to the work we do together in sessions. Why journaling helps A journal gives you somewhere to bring what is happening inside you, […]
Coming back to the body
Most of us have learned to live mostly from the neck up, with shallow breath and yet we experience our relationships, our emotions, our intimacy entirely through the body. How often do we feel numb, disconnected, low, without quite knowing why. Often this is a sign that we have lost touch with how to inhabit […]
Sexual performance anxiety in men – when sex becomes something to achieve
When sex becomes something to achieve rather than experience, enjoyment and connection can be lost. Sexual performance anxiety affects men of all ages. It can show up in many ways, erectile difficulties, premature ejaculation, reduced desire, or a persistent sense of frustration and disconnection during intimacy. Although very common, it is rarely spoken about openly. […]
Sexuality as a self-discovery journey
The part of you that wishes to be seen, heard and expressed. Sexuality is not fixed. It is fluid, layered, and continually shaped by who we are becoming, by our experiences, our relationships, our losses, and our growth. Most of us, however, were never given much support in understanding it that way. Instead, we were […]
Why I think of psychosexual therapy as shame therapy:
People often arrive at psychosexual therapy carrying a specific concern: a loss of desire, difficulties with arousal, pain during sex, anxiety around intimacy. But underneath most of these concerns, if we look carefully, there is something older and quieter. Something that was there long before the presenting difficulty began. Almost always, it is shame. Shame […]
Anger and intimacy, what happens when we suppress the dragon
Most of us were taught, one way or another, that anger is wrong or dangerous. Something to manage, suppress, or work through as quickly as possible. Something that makes us difficult, destructive, or out of control. What we were rarely taught is what to do with the energy when we push it down. What suppressed […]