When sex becomes something to achieve rather than experience, enjoyment and connection can be lost. Sexual performance anxiety affects men of all ages and can show up in many ways, including erectile difficulties, premature ejaculation, reduced desire, or a sense of frustration and disconnection. Although common, it is often accompanied by shame, making it difficult to talk about or seek support.
In my psychosexual therapy work, I frequently meet men who experience sex as a test of masculinity, feeling pressure to perform, satisfy, and remain in control. These expectations are often internal rather than coming from a partner. When we become disconnected from the body, connection between partners is also affected. The mind tries to control and lead the situation, intimacy fades, and sex becomes a test filled with pressure.
Sexual performance anxiety is often influenced by concerns about body image, fear of not being “good enough,” relationship stress, and unrealistic expectations shaped by pornography or limited sexual education. Anxiety activates the body’s stress response, making relaxation, arousal, and presence much harder to access.
Psychosexual therapy offers a confidential, non-judgemental space to explore these experiences. The work focuses on rebuilding a safe connection with the body, reducing self-pressure, and gently moving from fear towards presence.
If this resonates with you, therapy can offer a supportive starting point to reconnect with your body, restore a sense of agency, and rediscover pleasure and emotional connection, at your own pace.
